This Is What Can Happen in Relief Society...

We had a fantastic lesson in Relief Society (the women's organization) at church today, one of those that makes you wish you had another hour to spend together. I left with all these random thoughts swimming around in my head, and they are bugging me to come out (though they didn't interfere with a little Sunday nap, thank goodness). I am going to list them in completely random numbered order, just to try to give them some sort of organization. Oh, and just in case someone reads this who isn't familiar with the LDS interpretation of the Law of Chastity, it is that men & women only have sexual relations with their spouse. Yes, we're crazy enough to believe in complete abstinence before marriage and complete fidelity afterward. Revolutionary, isn't it? ;)

1. We have such an "instant gratification" society. We want what we want and we want it now, thankyouverymuch. I am intrigued by a recent study that says the longer children are able to delay gratification, the better students they are. We sometimes feel badly when our children have to wait for something (no matter what they're wanting, or no matter why we can't give it to them right then). We are in fact, teaching them a valuable lesson every time we help them learn to wait for something they really want. They need to know that it's ok to want something & that it's ok to look forward to receiving it & that it's ok to have certain conditions in place before they can receive it. I hope that in the long run, it also helps them have healthy attitudes about sex and the right time in their life to have it.

2. I saw this Oprah show years ago where the whole audience was applauding this mom for giving her 12 yr old son condoms. They were praising her for helping her son be "prepared," among other things. It made me wonder if the audience would still be applauding if she had said, "Son, I know you're only 12, but I know you are very curious and really looking forward to driving a car. So, here's the state driver's manual. It has all the rules you need to know. Here's the owner's manual to my new car. It will help you get to know the specifics about our family's vehicle. Finally, here are the keys. I think you're to young to drive, but when you think you are ready, I want you to have the keys so you can take off." Do you hear any clapping?! I doubt we would, because everyone knows that a 12 year old does not have the physical or mental maturity to drive a car. Could he take it out for a spin without causing any damage? Maybe he could. But the potential for injury to himself, to others, and to this expensive piece of property is huge! He could be living with the ramifications of the decision to drive without a license for many years...even if he just got caught by a police officer, he would face some big consequences. 

Now, I TOTALLY believe in educating kids about their bodies and about sex & reproduction. What I do NOT believe in is telling them that they will "know when they're ready." I don't think it's helpful to tell teens, "When you are with someone who really loves you," because quite frankly, when you're a teen, you're generally overly sure that this boy/girl loves you more than anyone else ever has or ever will. That is, in part, why breaking up is so painful! lol I want my children to know loud & clear that there are just things in life that you have to wait for! I fully expect that they won't drive without a legal driver's license, and that they won't have sex without a legal marriage certificate, either!

(Total aside to this random thought...if one of my children exhibited behaviors or we had conversations that indicated that she was about to become sexually active, we would be having a LOT of chats & I would do my best to try to help her see how she could be harming herself & the boy by following that course. But, if it became clear that she was going to be - or already was - sexually active, I would totally provide birth control to her. That's my decision - I'm sure there are some that would argue that it would be condoning the action. But, it's her body, spirit, and decision, and the last thing I'd want is for an innocent baby to be brought into the picture. And if she did conceive, there would be a lot of tears & prayers & we would do all we could to help her make the incredibly difficult decision to either keep the baby or adopt it. I would never ever kick her out or disown her or do anything that made her feel I loved her less.) 

Why is it so important to have that license? When you get right down to it, the biological purpose of sex is to procreate. If you are not in a place in life that you can provide a stable home (and in general, marriage is a pretty good indicator of 2 people's intention to create a life together), then you are potentially creating a life that isn't yours to create. I've even heard pre-marital sex compared to murder in the way that if a murder occurs, a life has been taken that wasn't another's to take, and when conception occurs outside marriage, the couple is giving a life that isn't their's to give. Heavy, serious stuff! 

3. The thing I want my children to understand is that God created sex. He created it as the highest possible expression of human love, to be shared between a husband & wife. In His wisdom, He even designed our souls & our bodies to respond in powerful ways. Otherwise, let's face it, who would sign up to go through a pregnancy or commit to a lifetime of caring for another human being?! ;) And, even after the family is complete and no more children join, sex is one of the most bonding experiences couples can have together. It is not bad or evil or dirty. That perception is all Satan's way of distorting things. He is, afterall, the Father of all Lies. If one of our grandest purposes in our eternal progression is to come to earth, receive a body, and experience mortality...if our greatest joy can be found in our family relationships...of COURSE Satan is going to mess with it and do everything within his power to twist something that is so inherently good into complete wickedness, misery, and destruction. 

4. The teacher today brought up the point that most of us succumb to temptation (in any form) when we are lonely, depressed, and confused. I joked that she pretty much described being a teenager! ;) She asked how we can help our kids & ourselves when we are feeling that way, and gave the "church answer" of reading scriptures, prayer, fasting, etc. I would add that we do ourselves & our children a huge favor when we also have other activities to tap into when we're feeling low. My friend Juile runs. My friend Denise's 12 yr old daughter is figuring out that hot showers help her feel better. I had a powerful reminder this week on how awesome music & dancing makes me feel. I am trying to help my daughters develop their own "tool boxes" that help them "fix" their own moods. My hope is that it will help them know that first of all, everyone feels lonely, depressed, and confused sometimes. That's ok! But, God has given them all kinds of talents & experiences that can bring the joy back into their hearts, whether it's a physical activity they love, or creating art, or baking cookies for a friend. OF COURSE, I teach them to pray & ask for God's help, but I hope that if I also teach them to know themselves well enough to help themselves, that they will turn to those healthy outlets in times of sadness. If teens had a better sense that everyone hurts sometimes (maybe that REM song should be required learning?) and that there are things they can do to feel better, then they wouldn't find themselves turning to people, situations, or substances that harm them?

5. Many of you know that I had fertility issues getting both of my children here. As a consequence, I am pretty darn exceptionally fond of them. ;) When I was newly pregnant with Maren, I remember the doc needing to do a lot of lab work. One of the tests I had to sign off on was an HIV/AIDS test, and another for some STD's. They were required by the state, so even though I knew what the results would be, I agreed to them. I didn't give it a whole lot of thought until after she was born & I was chatting with some other mommies about our pregnancies. One mentioned how worried she was about those results coming in, and how relieved she felt when they reported that she was free & clear of any diseases that would have harmed her baby. What a great side-benefit to having lived the law of chastity my whole life! I had enough to worry about during my pregnancies...I was so glad that I could cross those 2 concerns off my list! 

OK! I feel better now, with all these thoughts outta my brain! I don't know if anyone will read them, but I'm going to have Maren read them, so that makes it worth it to me! :D

A Love Letter

Dear MareBear,

After you read yesterday's post, you had mixed feelings. You said you appreciated the compliments, but that you kinda wished I'd just written about how much I love you. Well, that is easy-cheesy to do, so here you go...

Dearest Child,
You have no idea how much my heart longed to bring you here to Earth to join our family. Daddy and I wanted you so much for so very long. Holding you for the first time...even after 2.5 hrs of pushing and constant vomiting...was the best moment of my life. I can't describe the elation & amazement I felt! After all the medications & surgeries & lost babies & illness...there you were! Perfect. You just looked up at me so sweetly like, "Oh. There you are." And don't even get me started on those incredible eyelashes. Who know babies didn't all come with mascara on? I sure didn't...

You instantly became my sidekick and I had no idea what I did with my time before you came. I tried really hard to learn all I could about the best ways to take care of  you & to nurture you. We went on walks, to mom & me classes at the hospital, to storytime, and we sang and read books and sang and read some more books. When I think of your youngest years, the word "delight" springs to mind. OK, and "sleep deprivation." That, too.

You were such a sponge. When you were 4, Gramma J used to "practice" teaching you stuff that she was going to teach her kindergarteners. She would often tell you, "You're not supposed to know that!" and we'd all laugh.

You were so cute with Elaina. I was worried how you would react to her, after being an "only" for almost 4 years. You didn't pay her a whole lot of attention at first, but boy, once she started laughing at you, you were hooked! You quickly slid into the role of Chief Entertainer, and I don't think you've ever slid out of that role!

You are the light of my life, dear one. You are one incredibly talented girl, and I have taken the occasion of your 12th birthday to step back for a minute and go, "Wow." You are by far the coolest kid I've ever known, and like I've told you before, I don't just love you because I'm your mom, but I honestly, truly, genuinely LIKE you.

You are the best.

I am so blessed to be your momma. You were totally & completely worth the wait. And the puking. And the sleepless nights.

One request: if we decide to continue allowing you to get older & grow up, will you please promise me that we'll always like each other?! We may not always like the choices that the other makes, but I can promise you that I will always adore your intelligent, funny, kind, spiritual heart.

Happy 12th Birthday, Miracle Girl!
Love to Infinity & beyond, beyond, beyond,
MOM

How Did We Get Here? Thoughts on MareBear

Have you ever had the chance to get to know someone, and the more you learn about them, the more impressive they seem? And then you find out that they've overcome some major obstacles & challenges in their lives & you're even more taken with them?

As we celebrated MareBear's 12th bday yesterday, I realized that I feel that way about my girl. She was a beautiful baby and a darling, precocious toddler. But things got harder in preschool. I chalked it up to a new sibling, a move 5 days later, and first experiences in school. My list of concerns kept growing in kindergarten, even while the teachers reassured me that "she's just young." My gut knew better.

Mind you, she was a completely gorgeous child. Incredibly bright and mostly delightful. But there was a growing list of concerns we had. In first grade, the school counselor started meeting with her/us regularly and teaching coping strategies. She recommended we see a professional clinician to discuss a diagnosis & possible medication, which we acquired, even though the dx didn't seem to quite encompass all our concerns. In the meantime, I have to add, she was also receiving speech therapy twice a week at UW and once a week at school. Second grade was better. Still rocky at times but we were blessed with a terrific teacher who completely understood who MareBear was and what she needed, as she had a son of her own who was similarly wired. Speech and occupational therapy continued at a children's therapy clinic. Third grade was dicey, and my list of observations & concerns kept growing.

Finally, we figured out the right channels and doctors to visit and she was officially diagnosed with a condition that felt like it made the puzzle pieces fit. She began seeing a new doctor who could counsel and prescribe meds and supplements & we began seeing improvement. We had a lot to learn, but we pursued every avenue that seemed like it would be helpful to our girl.

For most of her childhood, it seemed my life was full of research and my calendar full of appointments for her. I feared making her feel like there was something "wrong" with her, and yet, I had such a desire to see who I could find that might be able to help her feel more comfortable in the world.  And now, after countless meetings with a myriad of doctors and sessions with therapists, we arrive at age 12, 7th grade. And I suddenly realize how completely worth it it all was! I get teary as I think how hard she has worked to do so many things that others take for granted, and I could not be more proud of her. I feel like I can say that she is exactly who she is supposed to be, without any qualifiers like "considering she has this syndrome." She's always going to utilize strategies to manage anxiety, probably never going to like crowds very much, and remembering names & faces will always be a bit of a challenge, but none of those characteristics are going to be detrimental to the degree that they were when she was young. I am so grateful to have lived where we have lived, for each area has brought us to different doctors & therapists who offered just the treatments she needed. I am beyond grateful for the gifted teachers she's had along the way. More than anything, I am eternally grateful to have a Father in Heaven - who knows MareBear better than I do - as my partner in this parenting business.

Now, she's not all raised yet! I know we still have great years ahead, full of challenges and joy. But there's just something about this birthday that marks a spot where I'm feeling like I can breathe a little bit. She's not going to be ok. She's going to be MAGNIFICENT!

Why I Love May 26

The first time you ever set out to accomplish a dream, it's easy to have starry eyes and high hopes. Reality, though, undoubtedly seeps through and makes the second time a lot more daunting not because you want it less, but just because you're wiser.

In the beginning, my doctor told me I needed to prepare myself for the fact that I might not be able to have children, I was still tearfully optimistic as I went through surgeries and fertility drugs and miscarriages, finally resulting in an incredibly nausea-filled pregnancy, and I even had to have pretty major surgery while I was pregnant, followed by a typically unpleasant first-birth experience and a long, painful recovery. We were thrilled to *finally* have our baby girl in our arms and despite it all, felt overwhelmingly blessed.

A few years pass and this beautiful baby girl turned into a charming toddler, fast approaching preschool. She & I were buddies and I couldn't figure out what I ever did before she filled my days. And then her daddy & I started realizing that she was growing up and that maybe we should think about adding another baby to our family.

The thought filled me with complete dread. Not because I didn't want another child, but because the very thought of enduring all that again was just unbearable. I remember praying, asking God, "Should we really have another baby?" (when I knew all along that our daughter was not supposed to be our only child) He answered me while I was singing a hymn with the phrase, "What more can He say than to you He hath said?" It hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew that was my answer. I didn't like it particularly, but felt reassured by the hymn, which is all about the firm foundation that Christ has laid for us, and how He will never forsake us.

So, thus began the fertility drugs...again. And...again. 15 months later, under "threat" from my doctor that this was our last try before moving on to more aggressive therapies, I became pregnant. Then came the life-sustaining progesterone supplements, which made me "morning sick" all the time. All these years later, I still feel queasy if I hear a "Maisy" soundtrack, which was one of MareBear's favorite videos at the time (I don't remember images, just the sounds, as I laid on the couch w/my eyes closed. Excuse me...I feel a gag reflex coming on...).

This pregnancy was significantly more painful. My doctor likened it to a pair of new pantyhose vs a pair of old, stretched out pantyhose. Gee, thanks for that visualization! My back still hurts today from those months, btw! Towards the middle-end of the pregnancy, we were offered a great opportunity to move from our 2 bd apt into a friend's house for the same amount of money that we were paying in rent. It wasn't far away, but I still had such a hard time getting us ready to move! I am forever & ever grateful to my mom, who packed us up, moved us out, and cleaned up that awful apartment!

Since first babies never come early - and MareBear came 2.5 wks early - and second babies always come earlier than the first, we were expecting Baby2 to appear around the beginning of the month (thus leaving us a few weeks before we had to move). She sure made a lot of signs and effort, but alas. At 1 week overdue, and 5 days left before our move, I was induced on May 26.

I was scared to be induced, after hearing so many horror stories, but my body was quite ready & it all went quite smoothly; we checked in to the hospital at 7am and were holding her at 2:34 pm.

What a miraculous moment to meet LainyBug for the first time. Such amazing joy and relief! I can never say that I've forgotten all I went through to get either of my girls on this Earth, but I can say that my experiences prepared me to be the mom that I am today. I look at them and thank God every single day for the chance that I have to not just be any ol' mom, but to be the mother of these particular girls. Something about the longing, the physical & emotional pain, the knowledge that it might not happen for me...it all adds up to make me intensely grateful. And protective. And a little bit crazy about them.

May 26 is not just another day closer to summertime for me. It marks the day when my most heartfelt prayers were answered. God truly gave me the courage to face what I had to do to answer the call He gave me to bring one more of His daughters to Earth. He truly did live up to His promise that He would "strengthen me, help me, and cause me to stand."

Please pass the cake!!!

Giddyap!

As if clamming weren't enough excitement for one day, the girls, Grandpa, and Daddy went for an hour-long horse ride on the beach! It is something that the girls have always wanted to do, and the stars aligned - and the weather cooperated - enough to go for it this time. 

It was Daddy's first time to ride a horse.
Ask him what he learned about trotting!

They might have been able to cross "horseback riding" off their 

"Things I Want to Do" list, 

but it just got rewritten near the top of their 

"Things I Cannot Wait to Do Again" list!

Thank you, Gramma & Grandpa, for such FUN first-time experiences!

Can You Dig It?

My parents have long maintained that grandchildren are the reward for allowing your teenagers to live, and this past weekend cemented that belief, I think. You see, it was CLAM SEASON on the coast where my parents live (where they went clamming before work all 5 consecutive days,
since it was open), and my children had never been before, so we loaded up the "guns" and donned our finest raingear...

In case you've ever wondered, wet sand is really, really strong stuff.

MareBear quickly dug her limit (15), and only dug 2 or 3 holes where the digger escaped her powerful clam gun, thus solidly sealing her spot as
#1 Grandchild. (It used to just mean that she was born first)

Not to be outdone, Lainybug quickly proved that just because she was outweighed didn't mean she couldn't dig, too. I had to run back to the car for a bag for her, as we hadn't even thought she'd be able to get any by herself (state law says kids gotta do it all themselves).

Never underestimate the power of the Little Sister!

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I gotta hand it to these girls. Not only were they First Time Master Clam Diggers, but they did it in an impressive bit of rain without a single murmur. Obviously I married well, since they are their father's children, and not mine. :)

Maybe it's the boots, but this family has some serious clam diggin skills. Well, except for me. I didn't have a license, so I just wore the cute boots.
And helped Mom clean & gut the buggers. That counts, right?

Miss J

I subbed for a third grade class today. Most of them greeted me with a smile, but one boy loudly announced his disappointment, "Oh, man! Mrs. N said we would probably have Mrs. J as a sub today!" I was happy to tell him, "You know what?! I AM a Ms J, too! Before I was married, guess what my name was?! It was Miss J!" (yes, her married name & my maiden name are the same). I told them, "So, I betcha that there's a part of me that's still used to being Miss J, so if you want, you can call me that instead of Mrs. R today." We had a chuckle and I thought we moved on, but nope, there were 2 kids that straight-faced called me Miss J all day.

And I responded without missing a beat every time.

An Official Mother Hen

Sometimes stepping out of routine makes you realize how much you take for granted. Tonight, M had a class from 6-8pm in a town about 30 min from here, so I made arrangements for E to go home w/a friend after school, which meant we picked her up at 8:30pm.

I put her on the bus at 8:40am, so we were essentially apart for 12 hours today, which is very unusual. I missed her, but at the same time it was nice to have such a huge chunk of time for just M and me. We made dinner together and even made a quick Marshall's run (trying to lighten up her Sunday wardrobe choices as we head into spring...so many dark colors in her closet!) before heading to class. I completely enjoyed my time with her, and knew that E was having a great time at her friend's house, but my heart still ached for her.

I learned a few things about myself as a mom today. 1) I am so grateful that I'm not a mom who routinely has to drop her child off in the am and pick her up again 12 hours later. 2) I am officially a mother hen who needs her chicks under her wing to feel complete. 3) That saying about roots and wings...way harder to do than to say!

The Downside of Sheltering

I believe in using good, clean, positive language. "Shut up" is not even allowed in our house, and "hate" is saved for really special occasions. But maybe I should've eased up somewhere along the way. Today in the car afterschool, M was recounting her day and asked what a certain word that starts with a "j" meant. I told her "a really dumb jerk. Why do you ask?"

"Well, we were playing the ABC game and it was the first word I thought of. I said it and my teacher talked to me and she realized I didn't know what it meant or anything but I was embarrassed and I felt bad about it."

I assured her that it was an honest mistake (we still aren't sure where she's heard it. Shrek, maybe, or perhaps it's popped up in a book?) and I recounted a time when I was in middle school & repeated a phrase I'd heard my friends say. A teacher took me aside & asked if I knew what it meant. I guessed, "That you're really mad?" She filled me in & I don't think I've repeated it since (except in my head.)

I was oddly grateful to have had a similar experience to share with her, and at the same time, it left me wondering if I'm really doing the girls a favor by keeping such clean language around here? Just kidding. I think I'll stay the course. Because I really hate - excuse me, I mean - I really dislike rude language.

This is Maren speaking.

Hi

Mouth of Babes...

At dinner, E was sharing that the new neighbor kids had to go home b/c they were heading over to their dad's for a few days. She explained to me that their parents are divorced and that they don't even have to take their toothbrushes when they go over to their dad's b/c he already has everything they need. She then asked, "Why do moms & dads get divorced, anyway?"

I said, "Well, there are lots of reasons. Sometimes it's because they fight all the time and can't be nice to each other. Sometimes it's because one of them has an addiction to something like drugs or alcohol." She interrupted here and said, "Or, to, ummmm, wait a minute, what's that called? Ummm, it's like Chuck E. Cheese's...oh yeah, gambling!"

Why she connects CEC to gambling I have no idea, but since we've never been there (and I don't intend to start) I didn't clarify.

I continued, "Or sometimes it's because the mom or the dad goes out and gets a girlfriend or boyfriend, and you can't do that if you're married." M burst into laughter. When I asked what was so funny she said, "Daddy could NEVER get a girlfriend!" I said, "Oh, and do you think I could get a boyfriend?" "No way, Mom! You're too OLD!"

I tried to salvage the discussion by assuring them that they are forever stuck with two parents who have every intention of being together always, but I think I lost them...

Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com

Seattle Center - December 09

As we were looking for some amusement over the holidays, we realized that if we bought an annual pass to the Pacific Science Center, our family would only have to go one and a half times to pay for it. Sold! Of course it's a bit of a commute, and there's parking to find, but we're adventurous like that. ;) We've been twice since December. Here is our first trip:

The dinos just make me laugh. I remember seeing them for the first time on our 8th grade trip to Seattle about 100 years ago, and I thought they were SO COOL. They've got some serious staying power, though, b/c our girls are just as enamored with them as I was back in the day.

P sat here w/the girls and said, "Hey, E, this is what the world is like for you, huh?!" It does create a little more empathy for the kid who can't keep her dangling feet still at dinner...

Love the Butterfly House!

P kept accusing me of acting like a tourist and taking way too many pictures,

but hey, you gotta admit, these are some pretty cool pics...

Documenting the Love

Children of mine, sometimes your mom is pretty dense. After all kinds of (strong) hints, I finally realized that when you ask if I've "blogged anything lately?" you're not just asking what's on this website, but essentially, if I love you enough to want to document and share our family's life with the people we love. Duh.

So, I am resolved to do some catching up - and more importantly - some keeping up! Let's start with Valentine's Day...

E and I had fun coming up with this outfit for the occasion (after I explained what it meant to be dressing for the occasion). She was a little disappointed that she seemed to be the only first grader in her class to dress thematically for the holiday, but she sure enjoyed the compliments!

(And yes, this is our front porch. Can you tell how much the girls love to tromp around outside? We're prepared for just about any outdoor adventure that involves water, mud, sticks, rocks, and/or shells...along w/a healthy dose of imagination!)

M chose to go a more subtle red w/sparkly heart route. As a cool 5th grader, can't say that I blame her. And look at that hair! I must've forgotten to tame it w/some product that morning. Remind you of anyone in the '80's or early '90's? ;)

Now this just cracks me up! I said, "How 'bout a kiss for the camera?!" thinking one of them would smack the other on the cheek...you gotta be careful what you ask for with these two!

Thrilled to be Average

If there's one thing I can point to as evidence of my good mothering, it's that my family has never eaten dinner around the television. Yes, I'll let the girls "picnic" there for lunch sometimes, but dinner? Out of the question.

As we were heading out to pick up our pizza tonight (c'mon, give me a break...I worked two whole days in a row, and besides, it's on sale) I said, "When we get home, let's get some soda out of the garage. And then I just want to sit down." E chimed in, "And watch tv?!" And I said, "Sure. Happy Friday."

The girls immediately started clapping, shrieking, and jumping up and down. M exclaimed, "Are you serious?! You mean you're telling me we're going to eat pizza and drink pop and watch tv just like an average American family?!?"

I laughed and laughed at that girl. And it felt almost as good as sitting down did...

For My Age

I promise I will stop posting things people say about my age, getting older, etc etc. But this one...

I was visiting outside our home with our church's young missionaries yesterday afternoon. Our neighbor girl came out to walk her dog & I introduced them. After she left, they asked, "How old is she?" I said, "A freshman - 14 or 15, I guess." The newest Elder said, "Oh, wow. For a second there I thought you meant a freshman in college. High school just seems like such a long time ago."

I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, really? A whole year, maybe two, has gone by since you graduated?! I said, "Oh yeah. Tell me about it. I bet you were born the year I graduated from high school." And yeah, pretty much, they were. This same Elder looks at me, squints his eyes and says, "How old are you?!" "36." "36?! Wow! I would have never guessed that! You hide your age really well!"

What. The. Heck?! I couldn't do anything but laugh and make a joke about how I just act immature so I seem younger. But really? Just how old & decrepit am I supposed to look at 36? I wasn't offended - it was just funny how your perspective changes as we age. I remember being younger and hearing someone died at 65 and thinking, "Well, at least they had a long, good life." Now, I gasp - that's way too young to die! So I get where he's at in his head...but it still made me laugh!

Pretty

This morning, M gave me a big hug and said, "Mom, you must've been a really pretty teenager." Laughing, I responded, "Oh, and I'm not pretty now?" (And in that moment, in my pj's and glasses, not so much).

"Well, yeah, you are, for an old lady, that is."

That stinker. :)

See, Mom, It Worked!

E was devastated tonight when she went looking in her wallet for the Sacajawea dollar that the Tooth Fairy left her a few weeks ago, and only found quarters, nickles, dimes, and pennies. Great big sobs about how she lost it, would never find it, etc etc. All the while, I'm saying, "Sweetheart, I know you're upset, but do you really think that crying is going to help here? Is it really going to suddenly appear just b/c you're crying?"

She continues boohooing as she looks through her most-frequently-used purses (as opposed to those in a bin under her bed), so I've got to give her props for continuing to at least look through those teary eyes. I finally tell her to go get ready for bed, and that I am SURE it will turn up. We will just keep our eyes open for it, and suddenly, it will just be there & we'll be so excited. And, I reitterated, crying will not help it show up any sooner!

She flops on her bed, wailing as I toss her pj's to her, and help her out of her sweatshirt. I then leave her to her own drama. Suddenly, I hear a "MOM!" and I met her in the hall, triumphantly hoisting her precious gold Sacajawea dollar in the air. "I found it! I found it!"

"Where was it?" I asked. She pointed to a place on her dresser, tucked back a little ways, where she probably had a better view of it once she flung herself on the bed.

She got a big ol' grin and slyly said, "See, Mom? I TOLD you crying would help!"

At which point I tackled her on her bed, ticklin' & kissin' her & telling her in my most growly mock-annoyed voice, "Noooooo. Crying never helps!"

But, apparently, it does...

Parenting by ESP

Our Miss M did not have the best Monday ever at school yesterday. I think that's just what happens sometimes, following a break, you know? Anyway, we were sitting at the YMCA, watching E's dance class & waiting for M's to start while she was giving me the (dramatic) blow by blow of her day. I listened, tried to empathize, and tried to gently suggest that perhaps she might have been overreacting just a smidge?

She glowered at me and said, "UGH! Why do I even tell you this stuff! You sound exactly like Dad!" (Which, I took as a good sign that P & I are pretty much on the same page with this parenting stuff).

We decided to go burn off some of her anger energy by walking/running on the track upstairs. P was up there in one of the weight rooms, and as we cruised by, he popped out to say howdy. I said, "M just told me about her day (he had picked them up from school, not me, and we all met up at the gym) and she said I sounded just like you did when she told you."

He said, "What?! She never told me anything about her bad day! She just said she wanted to wait and talk to you!" We looked at M, who sheepishly said, "Well, you sounded just like what I knew he would have said if I had talked to him about it!"

P said, "Wow, I'm a pretty good parent! I don't even have to talk! Great having that discussion with you, M!" And then we laughed. And laughed. And that was probably the best cure for a bad day, anyway!

Finally - a Bona Fide 1st Grader!

Poor E had the auspicious distinction of being the only kid in her kindergarten class last year who didn't lose a single tooth. There are one or two others in her first grade class that also share that honor, and today, she was thrilled to leave that exclusive club behind!

Her bottom teeth have been wiggly for a long time now, but she hasn't been brave enough to really encourage them much. Yesterday, Grandma took the girls to the candy store on our way out of town for a treat to get them home (yes, that phrase about "a kid in a candy store" is giddily true). Both girls chose the same treat: a big sucker on a stick (not a circle shape, kind of a spiral). As my dentist brothers cringe, let me assure them that they brushed and flossed really, really extra well last night.

Anyway, those suckers took them about an hour to eat, and biting on it did just the trick to really loosen things up. She was a little traumatized going to bed last night b/c her big sis told her she'd probably swallow it in her sleep (gee, thanks, M). She made it through the night, only waking up once, and was highly distracted by it all morning. About halfway through Sunday School, I saw her little head peek thru the door, and I stepped out to see my very triumphant six year old, holding her tooth in her hand & jumping up & down. We went into the bathroom so she could see in the mirror for her very own self just how great she looked...like a real first grader! What's even better is that she twisted it out all on her own - P & I do NOT pull teeth - ick!

I know the Tooth Fairy has a lot on her mind. I hope she remembers to come by tonight!!!